Warning: Turn Your Geek Filter On
1. I hate Enterprise Manager
2. and because of it, have become a better DBA because I can do nearly anything through QA now
3. DTS, at one time, created a job for me
4. but made it a living nightmare because I didn't understand how to change properties dynamically
5. Computed columns are a curse
6. I'm too lazy to read about the sp_MSForEach stored procs
7. So I roll my own iteration loops
8. But will go to the ends of the earth to make something set-based
9. Am a SQL indentation Nazi
10. I have been known to use terse, FORTRAN-like variable-naming conventions in my code
11. Absolutely must read code with JOINs rather than WHERE-based logical operators
12. Use "a", "b", "c" for table aliases
13. Unfairly, I think people who use "INNER" or "OUTER" in their JOINs are pedantic.
14. Think the PIVOT command is way overdue.
15. Really hate it when people wax philosophic about the differences between SQL Server and any other database platform
16. Because they're usually only trying to show how smart they are as opposed to earnestly discussing something.
17. Angry that SQL Server will allow you to name objects in a way (e.g. spaces, starting with numbers) that it will not recognize them later without bracketing them.
18. Find the idea of an object owner more bother than it's worth.
19. Would like to invoke the ghost of Torquemada for people who use float, real, or smalldatetime data types, and then need something more definate...after production data has been loaded
20. Best job-related feeling in the world: Taking a sproc and making it magnitudes faster.
21. Would like to fight UFC-style with arrogant developers who think the database is merely a place to hold "their" application data.
22. Harbor a secret desire to have a need to use the DBCC PINTABLE command.
23. Routinely shows off undocumented features (and, usually, of no practical business use) to uphold my fragile ego.
24. Think I'm a better DBA than say...85% of the SQL DBA population
25. But also feel that the only people I'm more technically competent than any tech event, regardless of size or location, are the catering staff.
26. The world is a better place with derived tables
27. But hate you can't correlate "outside data" without a sub-query.
28. Wanted to meet Itzak Ben-Gay (just to shake his hand) at the PASS Conference in November, but lacked anything intelligent to open with (e.g. "Itzak! Hey man. Uh...you code good.")
29. Believe Ken Henderson is a technical God Among Men
30. But I feel superior to him because his personal web page hasn't been updated in years.
31. Had a dream once that, after engaging in a lively conversation with a Microsoft mucky muck, was asked to come work there
32. Then I woke up and realized that it really didn't happen and was depressed for the rest of the day
33. Then was heartened when I heard two of my friends left Microsoft because the reality is that it isn't all stock options and working on cool projects.
34. I hate our equivalent "RTFM" people out there who tell people to "just read BOL (Books Online)". BOL isn't always clear about things, especially use, and even sometimes syntax. Don't believe me? Try being an XML newbie and finding out how to do namespace parsing with OPENXML.