Ok, I 've just sat through a few rounds of interviews for some new hires at my work, and I'm...non-plussed at best. What is it with you people and your ability to completely screw this part of the hiring process up so immeasurably? Do you lack all savvy? Have you no particular insight? Are you that dumb?

Maybe I'm being too hard on the Beav, as June Cleaver would say, but every time I get an awesome resume in my hand and he techs out on the phone, and then we talk in a real, live face-to-face and he blows it, I Just Get Sick.

I believe I'm allowed this bit of hubris because, frankly, I'm very good in the interview. As a consultant, I've had to interview for each of my gigs over the years. This means I've had dozens and dozens of interviews...and whenever I've been invited to sit and do the schmoozing thing, I've never lost. Ever.

Now, one can argue many things about that statement. Maybe the quality of the companies I've worked for weren't as high and thus, the candidate pool wasn't all that intriguing. I'll grant you that. Then again, it's not as though as I was interviewing for cashier positions at Wal-Mart, neither. $90/hr adds up real quick and I would think that people like me were scrutinized a bit.

It must also be said that I've also applied at places that have never called me to interview. So no, I'm not *that* golden.

So, blowhardiness aside, here's the quick and dirty interview quide. Arguably, some of it won't be usuable for many, since the only interviews I've ever done are for computer industry-related positions.

Here are some basics of interviewing before we discuss specific questions and how to deal with them. The rule of interviewing is to take your time answering questions. You usually don't get dinged for pausing a moment to reflect on a question and thinking of a good answer. You do get down-graded if you answer quickly then change your answer. Obviously, don't take too long (say longer than 30 seconds) or use this technique for every question. Some questions bear quick answers, like "So, what was the name of the company you created this website for?" Things like that should be answered quickly for fear of creating doubt in their minds that you might be lying about experience you really don't have.

Another basic thing is to cut through the formality if at all possible. You have to be very careful doing this, and if you do it incorrectly, you could seriously hamper your chances. This can be done in a number of ways, but one technique which has served me well has been the Removal Of My Coat Technique. First, I always dress in a suit or a navy blazer (shit and tie, of course). If I'm overdressed; say the interviewer is wearing a polo shirt and Dockers, I'll ask if I can remove my coat, too, and maybe during the course of the interview, I'll roll up my sleeves when I'm thinking of a particularly good answer to a question. Next, I might loosen my tie. It's all done rather surreptitiously; never overtly.

Why does this work? Well, I believe this is imparting confidence. Likely, you might be the only candidate that does this. Secondly, I also believe you're doing a bit of mirroring (a technique commonly talked about in neuro-linquist programming). You look more like the interviewer(s) and they might identify with you more readily. Again, if they're formal, I'm formal. There's nothing worse than looking like a slob in front of a bunch of suits.

Another way you can "de-fomalize" the environment is humor. Again, very treachorous if used incorrectly, but awesome if you work it well. You can usually tell if the interviewer is in the mood if they make any small talk when you're getting ready to interview. Things like the weather or your trip or traffic will tell you right away whether you can loosen up at all. If they are all business, don't even try the old "say, I see you're a golfer" salesman technique while pointing to a putter in the office corner. That's just washed up Zig Zigler crappola.

If you're going to use humor, make sure it's self-deprecating in nature...and clean. For example, if I'm given a zinger of a question, and I have to think about it a bit, I might say something like, "Wow, you guys really have some hard questions. I've never sweated so much answering a question since my mother asked me what I was going to do after the prom dance ended." George Carlin I'm not, but you'd be surprised how well something like that works if they're ready to laugh a bit, plus it doesn't hurt to be giving them a compliment at the same time.

Another idea is to make sure you qualify your answers. Some questions are broad in nature and can have you coming up The Answer To Life if you over-philosophize it. You have to give an answer, then you must tell them what your answer means. Rather confusing, isn't it?

This happens quite often in my interviews. I'm asked to rate some skill of mine on a 1 to 10 scale. 1 being low and 10 being high. I see people doing this all the time: "I'm a ten, or a high nine." They do this because they think they're exuding confidence or don't want to show any weakness. I'll usually say something like this, "I'm a high six or a low seven." This nearly always will start the interviewers to cast glances to each other, indicating, "A six? This guy sucks!" I then go on to qualify what ten really is: "In my mind, a ten is the inventor of the product or programming language or is the highest-level engineer at Microsoft/Sun/IBM creating this technology. The visionary to how the technology is supposed to work today and ten years from now. A nine works for the visionary. She takes the ideas and actually puts codes/builds the thing. An eight is another person on the inside of the technology but at a lower level. He still has an intense understanding of it, but is slightly removed from the entire technology. A seven is going to be a high-level consultant or specialist in this technology or area. Someone who builds their life and sometimes livelihood around this single thing. This is all they know. A six is a darn good expert in this technology. Someone who has a nearly complete grasp of what this technology can do and how to do it."

Anyway, what I've done is re-framed how they thought about their own question. They may have thought they needed an 8 or 9 on their scale, but I've shown them that 8 or 9 is an impossibility (or improbability) and that I'm the best they can get for what they really need.

Another basic tenant of successful interviewing is to ask questions. Questions come it two forms. The first is to either stall or have the interviewer qualify what he might be looking for. The other is show you've done some homework about the company.

First, before that, you've undoubtedly done some homework, right? You've looked at the corporate website? You've searched for any news stories, right? You've asked friends and acquaintences about this company, right? All of this gives you the opportunity to ask intelligent questions during the interview, but tied directly to the topic or question you've just been asked. Don't blurt out, "I see your gross revenues have shifted from your product sales to service accounts in the third quarter, why?" right in the middle of the interview. That's obviously canned.

Let's talk about the first type. Let's say you've been asked, "What does quality mean to you?" I would ask in return, "'Quality' in terms of my work and workplace and what our company has to offer or quality in a general sense?" And if he doesn't qualify his question more, than I would make darn sure that I qualify my answer, as above.

Now, the second type of question. After answering say, the "quality" question, I might say something like, "I noticed your mission statement mentions 'committment to quality service.' [They ALL say that] How do you feel this pertains to my job role?" What you're doing here is showing A) You've done some rudimentary investigation of their company and you're interested in their thoughts and ideas. Again, you have to be careful...you don't want to sound too prepared or are asking non-sensical questions just to show off that you've looked at their website.

More later...