You know, I'm not so conservative and out of touch with my inner 16-year-old that I don't take some pleasure in the whole Janet Jackson thing, but what really torques me is how damn whimpy everybody is about it. From Justin's vapid "clothing malfunction" line...yeah, I'll bet your hand had nothing to do with it either. Did an errant rhinestone catch on your cuff link, ChaChi? To ABC's insistance they had no foreknowledge. I just wish *somebody* who gave the green light would stand up and s...

I bid you farewell, Bob Keeshen, AKA Captain Kangeroo. You introduced me to Bill Cosby and were a nice bumper between Romper Room and Mr. Rodgers' Neighborhood. I enjoyed the ping pong balls falling on your head. You also allowed me to start my very own urban legend about Mr. Greenjeans that I discovered had gone worldwide when a German acquaintence of mine re-told me, almost verbatim, the story I had started nearly 25 years ago. Aegix has a posse!

Do you know me? I've been on TV. Well, almost on TV, but I am a celebrated actor. "Celebrated" in that I won the coveted "Best Battlefield Death of an Anonymous Soldier" voted on by the ragtag group of equally anonymous Confederate boys who re-enacted The Battle of Arnoldsburg. Which is, actually, quite esteemed considering I was merely a kid trying to get a SAG card riding shotgun with Guys Who Do This Stuff All The Time, or "re-enactment enthusiasts." When I was shot, I jerked my head b...